you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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