Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize