I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
