Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
