Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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