my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
