Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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