I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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