I'm lost and stupid without you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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