So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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