guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
