dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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