he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
