I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
