Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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