maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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