Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Couch. On fire.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
