So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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