i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
