Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
