Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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