I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize