i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
