Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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