somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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