just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
