I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
