i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
