I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
