escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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