my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
