remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
