Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
