If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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