also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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