I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
