where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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