Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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