OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
