I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
