i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
