if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
