So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want a musical about memes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
