I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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