im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
