Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
