I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
