another moral hangover. fuck.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
