Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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