I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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