i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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