I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
