i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
