The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
