Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
