I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
