I hate your face
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
