my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need to calm my uterus...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize