Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
