For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
