I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
