My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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