He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
