Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
