He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
