That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
