eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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