The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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