Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
