1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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