She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
