just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
