It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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