Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
