I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
