Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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