Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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