i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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