He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
